What a difference a year makes.

Every once in a while I get these huge reality doses that strike me so hard in the chest it's a wonder I am still breathing. This one happened exactly one year ago. It was one irresponsible night. A night my husband and I acted like carefree teenagers. The night that Harper was conceived.

It is so clear for some reason and I am not sure why. I knew the timing was right on schedule and I worried immediately. Then I blocked it out, for 7 weeks. My friend even called about a week after "the night" to tell me she had had a dream that I was pregnant. I told her "she was on crack" verbatim. In only six weeks I would find out that I was indeed pregnant. I would cry when I got the results because I was not ready to have a baby again. I am ashamed to admit that.

The nine months where filled with emotions and so much fear. How could I possibly split all the love I have for Mason with another baby. I've been told everyone experiences those exact feelings. And everyone tells you "you just do. You find a way and you just do." And they are right, sort of. I've never had to split it. I feel like a am able to give more love now. As if once my baby was born, I filled up with love ready to give instead.

So now one year later I look at my most perfect baby girl and wonder how I could have ever been unsure about having another baby. She is sweet and smiley and easy going, the perfect addition to our family. So now looking back exactly one year all I can think is, "Thank God for our one crazy, irresponsible night."

What up Grinch!

What is my problem? Just 2 weeks ago we put up all our Christmas decorations. Today I am taking them all down. I want the tree out tonight. This time of year is so stressful and exhausting that I just want my regular life back. How exhausting? So much so that I didn't take a single picture of our Christmas. I didn't send out a single Christmas card. And so completely exhausting that all the cut-out cookies are gone, and that takes a lot of energy to eat that many cookies.

So I am moving on and you won't hear another blub about Christmas until next year.

Happy New Year!

Another Birthday...

To my college crush,
my bestfriend,
my babies' daddy,
my lover.
Happy Birthday Mike!

Happy Birthday Mason!

Dear Mason,
Yesterday you turned 3 years old. My gosh, where is the time going? It feels like just yesterday that I sat down and wrote to you on your second birthday.

The past year has been crazy. You have become so much more independent yet you still need a bunch of snuggle time throughout the day. Don't worry about me, I love that about you and drop everything when you just want to snuggle because I know deep down that you won't be like that forever. I'm taking it all in. You still nurse once a day during the week, right before nap time. The weekends almost never since your Dada puts you to sleep then. We've nursed a looooong time now Mason, so when your ready to be done just let me know. I never thought I'd be one of those people that nurse their kids until 3, but I am proud to say now that I am. It's amazing, the things we do for our kids.

Last year I talked about all the things you could say and the cute things you did at that time but that would take me forever this year. This year you say everything and are able to do just about everything an average person can do. You are by no means average though. You have got personality plus! A few weeks ago your Dad did something that really made me mad. He went to play basketball like he does every Wednesday and the hour that he is usually gone began to get a little longer until he was gone just about 2 hours. I was mad, really mad and I lost it a little. Not my proudest moment. I think I said something like, "This basketball stuff is really starting to Piss. Me. Off!" You then did an Oscar worthy performance of "Dada you really Piss. Me. Off!" with hand gestures and all. The tense situation turned immediately to tears of laughter. It's nice to know you've got my back!

One of my favorite memories of the past year was the week we spent in Mexico. You loved the airplane, you loved the beach, and you slept like a champ. Even though your dad and I got a little sick, you made sure we still left our room because you were healthy as a horse and ready to party like a rockstar! That would be our last trip ever as a threesome. You were awesome and made the trip one I will never forget.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty about spending much of your last year pregnant. My patience left little to be desired and as your dad says, "I was pretty hormonal." I feel like I should have spent more time with you before we became a family of four. I was telling someone about the guilt I felt and they assured me I was giving you the best gift anyone could ever give, a sibling! That instantly made me feel better and has ever since. I hope someday you'll agree.

Your sister loves you to pieces. Even when you squeeze her a lot too hard and do cannon balls that end up partially on top of her, she almost always ends up giving you the hugest smile that your Dad and I work so hard to get. I hope everyday that the two of you will grow up to be as close as a brother and sister can be.


Although you are no longer an only child, you still hold a very special place in my heart. The day you were born was the most amazing day of my life because it was the day I went from being a woman to a mother. Something that only happens once in lifetime and something I've wanted my whole life but I never knew. So thank you Mason, Thank you for making my most amazing dream come true! I can't wait to see what the next year brings.



Love, Mama

The factory is closed!

I've been having these weird emotions lately. I love my babies more than anything. I'd do anything for them and cannot imagine them not being part of our little family. But, I am pretty sure the factory is closed and that makes me a little sad. Today I got the Mirena, birth control that is good for 5 years!

The fact is I love having babies. Really I do! I even love the delivery part, ask Pedro. I am not sure I have ever heard someone else say that, but I loved it for both my babies and they were worlds apart. Yes, it is damn hard work, it hurts worse than anything you can imagine, but I loved it. I'm a freak now, aren't I? I think part of it is how amazing I think my body is for just knowing what to do. I think we under estimate our bodies and this is one of it's truly amazing abilities. However if having babies never got any harder than the delivery, I'd probably have 10, maybe 12! Ok maybe not, but definitely more than 2.

But here's the catch. Raising kids is really damn hard. It is exhausting and challenging and at times can put a big stress on a marriage. I love what I have. I feel so fortunate to have the healthy, spunky kids I have that at times get freaked out to think about tempting fate. So for now I'm shut down for business (or until 5 years is up).

O Christmas tree...

This weekend we decorated for Christmas. Pedro went and picked a perfect tree again with a little less girth than the one from last year. We spent the night on friday decorating until it was perfect while listening to Christmas music. We all went to bed at a normal time after having a great night. Harper woke up at 4 to eat. We went into the living room, plopped down on the couch and she went to town. After about 5 minutes I looked over to my left and noticed the Christmas tree lying on the couch next to me. The tree had fallen completely over at some point during the night and we hadn't heard a thing.
The next morning we redid a bunch of the orniments that had fallen off and Pedro made sure the tree was a whole lot more sturdy.

Potpourri for $400, Alex

I just needed a little blogging break,I guess.

* The space key is broken on our computer. Too much excitement watching noggin online for someone in our house hold. Also reallydamnhard to type.

* Friday was my 29th birthday. I felt very old while watching a Real World rerun and they were all, "Ohmagod, You're 22? I'm 22. We are all 22!" Whatever that was so 7 years ago.

* Harper is freakishly tall(what up Pedro genes 6'6"). We are getting a new carseat stat. The carrier that snaps into the base is totally unsafe for her. We have the shoulder straps adjusted to the highest notch and they fall right around the middle of her arms. I am guessing it would not be pretty in an accident.

* I have a new site, but I have issues. The template on it can only be used with a Mac, and I am not sure I am ready to commit to only using that. I am still a PC girl I guess.

* Mason made me laugh today. He does everyday but today two things stuck out.

First, he was playing with a doll he just got. It was for Harper, but he loves it and I have no problem with that. He went and got two more from Harper's room and had them all together. He was playing so sweetly, putting them to sleep and such. I thought I'd encourage him farther by telling him he could name them. They were all girl dolls so I started giving him ideas.
Me: "You could name one Sally or Suzie or Molly or Harper..."
Him: "or racecar or dump truck..."
I guess he really is a boy.

Next, I was nursing him before his nap and then laid him down.
Mason: "Love you Mama, thank you for the milky, I drank it all. Just like juice!"
God I love that kid!

* Tonight I start teaching yoga again. Wish me luck. I hope my bladder functions have returned to normal...

That is enough for today. Wanna know what's on my Christmas list? I think I just might post it. Tomorrow.