That book is a total joke

You know that book about Alexander? Hahah. I laugh at it! I only wish I could laugh about my morning. Let me shorten it for you, otherwise you might just think I am making this up. I wish I was, I wish I was.

Harper wakes up earlier than normal. I go into my bedroom where she is laying on my bed, on my side, in a pool of puke. It is in her ear in her hair and covering the entire right side of her. She is smiling so I'm not worried even though she NEVER pukes. She must have had too much air in her tummy. So I strip her clothes off and get the tub started. Mason finds me in the bathroom and informs me he has pooped. Great! I love to multi-task! I strip him down too and put them both in the tub. Mason is being totally annoying so I get Harper out and into fresh clothes. Mason is now ready to be out. Duh, what fun is a tub if you don't have anyone to annoy? I haven't gotten his clothes ready so I take Harper and make a mad dash to get him a diaper and clean clothes. But, Wait! What is the dog doing? I haven't fed him yet. What is he eating, and why are there pieces of a diaper on the floor? He didn't! Oh yes he did. The disgusting dog had found the diaper which was all rolled up and fastened shut with tabs and opened it up and proceded to devour the contents, which mind you was so hellacious that required its owner to be bathed. The poop has been smeared on the carpet in the only room we have carpet and the dog smells of rank, toddler poop.

Now it is just after one and I still have not showered. However, my sheets have been washed, the rented Rug Doctor has done its job and my kids will soon go down for their naps. Now I need a stiff drink. Anyone care to join me. I promise I won't make you sit in poop or puke...just Do Not let the dog lick you!