Heartbreak.

Last night was Mason's Montessori open house. I was certain that it would also change is feelings about starting school.

For the past 2 months the talk of starting school has changed from excitedly talking about it, to becoming a reality. A reality that Mason wants no part of. Mike and I have been giving our best sales pitches for the majority of summer to no avail. He just wants to "stay at home like his neighbor girlfriend a few houses up the street. Her mom stays home and teaches her at home, so why can't I." If it were that simple, I'd home school in a second. The problem is I am not sure if that's the right choice either? If only I knew what the right choice was...

At the open house, Mason quickly started exploring all the little cubbies filled with different learning areas. I watched him in awe. I don't think it'll ever get old or cliche to me that "Oh my God! I made that little person and just look at him!" Mike started to say something to me and I had to just tell him to stop. I had to concentrate on not crying I couldn't talk or listen or anything. I just didn't want to cry in front of everyone. He tried to touch my back in an "it's okay" kind of way. I quickly moved out of the way because "seriously, don't." Thankfully he knew I wasn't being cold or mean, I was doing what I had to do to be strong and not let Mason see me cry.

We left after the informational speech and Mason told us again that he didn't want to go back. Again, we told him about all the things he's going to get to do this year and all the new friends he'll meet. I don't think he is buying it.

Tuesday is the day. The day I drop my first baby off at school. From now until then I am trying to figure out how to be strong for him. How I am going to resist scooping him up and bringing him home with me when he tells me for the 80th time that he just wants to stay with me. Right now, I can't even think about it without crying.