Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Love Thy Neighbor pt. 2 (but really 436)

Remember back in April when I wrote about my lovely neighbor? You know, the one you all agreed I should drop kick with a pointy boot? Well I thought you may be wanting an update, yes?


She is such a bitch.

Hahahahahah. (All while smiling.)

How was that?

For the most part I've managed to keep my distance as much as a person can keep from a next door neighbor. I don't invite her over. I don't do anything with her. All conversations are kept relatively generic. Yesterday, for some stupid reason I was feeling like I wanted to go out of my way to be nice to her. Why? WHY?

Mike got home from work and we were grilling our dinner on the deck. I went up to him and said, "Should we be super nice and offer Her a glass of wine since she is sitting in her backyard?"

Mike must have known it was a stupid suggestion because he replied, "Why?"

I told him I was feeling like I wanted to do something nice for her. Just because.

We'll call her The Queen (TQ).

Me: The Queen! Would you like a glass of wine? We are opening a bottle.

TQ: Oh! What kind is it?

Me: It is red.

TQ: **crickets**

Me: Menage 'a Trois.

TQ: Um, I'll pass. Thanks.

First of all she knew I was talking about the wine and not inviting her over for a threesome. She has had the wine before, it just isn't good enough for her snobbish pallet.

I know I am a self-declared coffee snob but if someone offered me a cup of coffee just to be nice you can bet that, I wouldn't ask them what brand it was. I would accept and I would drink it even if it was Folgers! I may not enjoy it fully, but I would enjoy it because it was kind for that person to go out of their way to offer me a cup of coffee. Period.

So I guess I should be glad I didn't offer her the box of white wine that I have in the fridge. Or maybe I should! I should tell her that it is some vintage $100 a bottle stuff and see what her distinguished pallet tells her about it! Oooo, that would be so fun! Phony Snob!

Should I do it?


Pedro said...

I say giv'er the shit out of the box and add some white vinegar to it.

mysecondjournal said...

If you had a Bartles & James wine cooler or Natty Lite I'd say THANK YOU...

Autumn said...

I'd say DO IT! But then again, she's not worth wasting wine on.

She sucks.

AnnieM said...

Pedro- and exlax!

MP-Me too! You are the best!

Autumn- Amen Sista!

TriHard said...

i agree with Pedro..mess it up and tell her it is some expensive wine. what a db she is!

Pedro said...

I think you need to fill everyone in on what happened last night as an addendum to this post...Catfight!

AnnieM said...

but not with me...

SJSFalter+ said...

LOL, its been a while since I stopped by your blog (probably last neighbor post to be exact) but this was brilliant. At least you didn't pour it on her but that would just be wasteful and sad so maybe not a good idea after all. I actually wish I was your neighbor cause wine is right up my alley. I have my favorites but like you said about coffee, that is me about wine. Screw the neighbor, you're better off without the stress.

C said...

LOL! OMG...just laughing at Pedro's comment!

Nice of you to try to be civil with TQ. Sometimes some people are just lost causes though. She sounds like a total biatch. I don't know what she's like, but it doesn't sound like she's one to waste time, energy...or wine on! ;)

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