I am still here. I am throwing up every morning. I have crazy bad diarrhea when I do finally eat something. It is really not good at all.
I have so many emotions running through me that I am sure are totally normal, but I still am scared to death. How am I going to be able to do this? I know that all the love I have for Mason will still be there. But thinking about it realistically, he will have to take a "back seat" often to the new baby. It kills me to think how much that is going to hurt his feelings. I try to tell myself over and over that it is probably a good thing, we have all been through it, and that it is probably the first real life lessons, but it doesn't help my heart from breaking a little each time I think about it.
Mason has been really hard the past week. He is hitting and defiant and pretty much wakes up telling me to "go-away!" Part of me wonders if he is feeling my insecurities. It is hard already, really hard. So this morning my Dad is working from home and came to get Mason for a couple of hours to give me a break. As much as I want to soak up every last minute I have alone with my baby boy, I just can barely function right now and I am sure Mason is having a whole bunch of fun with his Grandpa.