Monday, September 11, 2006

39 weeks and counting!

I am still here. I am throwing up every morning. I have crazy bad diarrhea when I do finally eat something. It is really not good at all.

I have so many emotions running through me that I am sure are totally normal, but I still am scared to death. How am I going to be able to do this? I know that all the love I have for Mason will still be there. But thinking about it realistically, he will have to take a "back seat" often to the new baby. It kills me to think how much that is going to hurt his feelings. I try to tell myself over and over that it is probably a good thing, we have all been through it, and that it is probably the first real life lessons, but it doesn't help my heart from breaking a little each time I think about it.

Mason has been really hard the past week. He is hitting and defiant and pretty much wakes up telling me to "go-away!" Part of me wonders if he is feeling my insecurities. It is hard already, really hard. So this morning my Dad is working from home and came to get Mason for a couple of hours to give me a break. As much as I want to soak up every last minute I have alone with my baby boy, I just can barely function right now and I am sure Mason is having a whole bunch of fun with his Grandpa.
summer06 004

5 comments:

Silly Hily said...

Seriously, do you remember me flipping out about having 2 kids instead of 1 and how am I going to love them the same and how is Silly Girl not going to feel replaced, etc. etc???? It's all totally normal to feel this way and it doesn't matter how many people tell you it'll all be okay, you still can't help but have these feelings.
But I will be another person to tell you that it WILL be okay. Everything will be fine! I just went through it all very recently. You'll see. It all works out. The feelings, that is.
Now, as far as taking care of two, that will be a little tough (just being honest). But you'll get the hang of it in no time. It's an adjustment, just as having Mason was.

I can't wait to see that beautiful girl!

lizziep901 said...

Seriously.....Hil and I SHARE A BRAIN!!!
I totally DITTO everything she said. Normal, it will be fine, you WILL have enough love for them both, etc. Love you girl!!!

Christy J said...

Girl, I would let anyone take him as much as possible, when the baby comes. Does that sound bad? That is exactly what I did. You are going to need that time (and energy) with the baby. I remember the last couple of weeks I just wanted to hang out with Hayden though. I think I needed that. I mean, he is only going to be an only child for a few more days... weeks... whatever.
How is the progress moving along? Are we ready for a baby? I get nervous when I don't hear from you... I think you went and I didn't know. I mean, I am like 23 states away you know. :o) Good luck!!!!!!!!

amygeekgrl said...

my friend's little boy acted similarly right before the birth of his little sister. once she and her husband spent some good quality time with him, his insecurities seemed to go away. i think he was really picking up on how she was feeling (which sounds similarly to how you are feeling). it's going to be a transition for everyone, but you will all get through it. :)
hugs!
and i hope you feel better soon. that whole sickness sounds awful. :(

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