I am not sure which is worse, being ashamed about the way you feel about someone in your family or the way that person in your family acts. This weekend was my shower. It was wonderful. It was nice and small and made me excited all over to be a Mama to a new baby girl. Except there is always something looming over head. The way someone in my family will act.
First, no one has talked to this person in 3 days, meaning she isn't and hasn't been sober. So, will she even show up.
Next, once she walks through the door, the drama starts. Oh, the drama. I am not sure my family would know what to do without the drama.
Then the inappropriate, attention getting comments, stories that never end.
I know I used to be an extrovert. A definite extrovert, but over the past 5 years I have changed a lot. I have become comfortable with who I am and I don't feel like I need to start every conversation or always have the focus on me. In fact, I like to listen a lot. I don't like to always talk about me. I am a person though and like all people, I like to have relationships of all sorts. The problem is a relationship no matter who it's with is always about give and take. I have given and given, and dropped things that were happening in my own family to try to help out and now, I AM TIRED. I have given for too long and really have never received anything in return except anxiety. As awful as that sounds it is reality and sometimes reality bites!
At my shower, conversations were interrupted so this person could tell me about the new man in her life. Except, I have been hearing about this man for the past month she has been dating him, she just doesn't remember. I heard about other family issues that were discussed on the phone just three days before which only led me to believe that she was drunk during the phone conversation too. All of which was made the focus of my shower. Embarrassing and Exhausting!
I wish I knew the next steps to take but I don't. At this point I just feel like I am tired of it all. I don't have a perfect life, but I am usually pretty happy and optimistic about the way my life is going. But, I too have challenges. I have a perfectly naughty 2.5 year old who most days requires every bit of my patience. I have a husband who I am very lucky to have but like most of you know, making a marriage work takes a lot of effort too. And I happen to want to be married forever. I have a new baby on the way that I know is going to overwhelm me, but I am trying to mentally prepare. And I have friends, really good friends that I want to be there for just like they are for me. I don't have the time or energy to take on additional drama that only brings me down. I am tired of the lies, tired of the excuses, and tired of the selfishness.
So what is next? I am not ready to cut this person out of my life, but I can't take the drama anymore. Even if she is my sister.