Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Boob Saga - part 645,379

Take two. I wrote this big long post this morning and had it all spell-checked and everything. When I clicked publish it went to a 'unavailable at this time' page. Once I clicked the back arrow, Poof it was gone into internet never,neverland! So this is my second attempt.

Since I've decided to let Mason continue to nurse throughout the pregnancy, it has not been all pleasant. In fact, I've found myself irritated pretty often.

Around 4 months pregnant, the pain started. I mean pain, like the kind that makes you scrunch your face up and curl your toes, pain. But I pushed through to the next stage. The absence of milk stage. This stage lasted for about 2 months. I am sure Mason was getting almost nothing, I couldn't even squeeze a drop out. The hardest part about this stage is the extreme sucking that went along with the milk shortage. Mason would suck so hard trying to get milk out that I was sure when he finally let loose my nipple would be a freakish 5 inch nipple. Thank god they resume their natural state after a few minutes! Then there was the night Mason commented that it "tastes yucky!" I thought this may have been the end only to have ask for it the next day.

Now my supply has come back, but I have found myself so not "into" nursing. Why have I decided not to wean? A few reasons, but mainly because Mason will not take a nap without nursing. Bedtime Mike can do, but naptime is non-existent without me nursing him. And when I do, it takes around 5 minutes of nursing to have him out-cold for 3 hours. Seems simple enough to me, and I know I'll be needing those three blissful hours a whole lot once Baby Sister comes.

Every once in a while something amazing comes out of Masons mouth that confirms the decision I've made to continue. A few weeks ago after a bedtime nursing he said in the sweetest voice, "mmmm, tastes good." Then off to sleep he went. This may sound weird to someone who hasn't nursed, but it is an amazing feeling to know that you are doing something so simple and natural and being appreciated for doing it. It is a hard thing to explain. Monday night was one of those nights that my heart just wasn't into it. I had let Mason nurse for about three minutes then told him we were all done. As I layed him into his crib, he said "Thank You Mama." It made my heart hurt. I felt awful and amazing all at once. "How could I be rushing something that is still so important to my son?" And "How awesome that I've let him decide when he wants to end our nursing relationship." It was very bittersweet and I wish I could put it into words better.

So there you have it. For now, I am putting aside my pregnancy hormones for my little nursing toddler. I still think that when he is done he'll be sure to let me know. For now I am willing to give him what is still very important to him, he doesn't ask for much.


Christy J said...

All I have to say is you are going to be so thankful when this baby gets here and he can 'help you out'. I got rediculously engorged with Finley (like a million times more than with Hayden) and I BEGGED Hayden to nurse and he wouldn't. You will appreciate it then, I promise.

I think it is a good thing. You just need to do what YOU feel is right. Tell everyone else to fuck off. :o)

Ms. Mamma said...

What Christy said! You are a Saint, mama. Just think, this fall, the pounds are going to PEEL off in no time!

lizziep901 said...

You know how I feel about the boob thing so I won't even mention that. But I WILL say that I think it is very unselfish of you to do what you think is best for Mason and not what would be convenient (or less painful for that matter) for you. You should feel good about that. Kisses sister.

Silly Hily said...

I think you are a wonderful mom. And as hard as I know it is for you to put into words your feelings on this, I think you did a pretty good job of it b/c I kind of do understand where you are coming from.
Here is the thing, STOP worrying about what other people think of you nursing your toddler. You are doing what you think is best and THAT is what makes a good mom!

BlueGoddess said...

I think you are amazing to continue. I am still in the process of weaning. Sort of. Mostly I tell him no, because of it being uncomfortable for me now. But sometimes I give in and he says " Thank you nurse!, It tastes good" So I know exactly how you feel.

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