I'm Baaaa-aack!

Hi there. How are you? Your hair looks pretty today. Is that shirt new-- It makes your boobs look really perky.

I've missed this, so damn much. I took off when my family found out about my blog and started reading. I tried to keep writing every now and then but I found myself censoring like crazy. And me and censoring, we're like oil and water. It became a chore rather than an outlet.

Now that time has past, I'm hoping that most of them have lost interest and I can write about what's been going on in my little world.

I've got stories. I've got pictures. I've got plans! Are you ready? Things could get crazy up in here...

Purple, Violet, Lavender

Today is a purple sort of day at our house.




We are remembering a sweet little girl who was born a little too early and left a lot too early. We are thinking of the Spohr family today and wishing them strength and peace. We are there in spirit!

Special Report

Let's face it, I am a Martha wannabe. I cook. I bake (thus leading to my ass problem). I need to throw myself into a project every once in a while.
Sometimes my projects don't get finished. Like the one time I had a rummage sale and decided that I had to sell my dining room pictures and do something new and fresh. I sold them for 5 dollars each. The wall is so damn bare, 2 years later, not so much as a shadow on it- Except for the two screws sticking out that remind me everyday of my project failure.
Sometimes though, my projects turn out! And sometimes they turn out so well that I exhume my buried blog to show you! I am not sure how I got the idea. I just know that I was dropping off boxes of things at Goodwill to declutter my home and the next thing I know, I am driving home with two sticky, gross chairs knowing that I wanted them to be pretty again.

I paid 5.99 for each chair.


They were barely worth that.

I stripped them down, sanded them and tried to make them pretty again...

I think it worked!


If you look closely, they are by no means perfect. But they make me happy. I made something so very old and dingy look bright and fun again!

Now if I could just keep my kids and their sticky little fingers off of them...

Adios.

It's time. After over three years I am closing up shop. I have my reasons and I am sad to let my one true outlet go. The one thing I do for me and no one else. I am thankful that I met so many amazing people; many that I consider real friends. I'll miss you guys.

Ann

The Mind of Crazy

Why didn't I remember how totally bonkers the second year is? I swear your mind does something to make you forget, ON PURPOSE. The screaming. The tantrums. The hair pulling. Should I go on? The biting. The spitting. Wait? Have I mentioned the spitting before? The spitting is so lovely, especially when it is done in public to show her dissaproval with the current situation. Mason is nearing 5 and still cannot figure out how to spit his toothpaste so Harpers spitting was one thing she learned all by herself! Whee!

This morning she wanted me to put her shoes on. I put them both on and tied the left on like she wanted. I moved over to the right one and tied it when all hell broke loose. I should have known. Why didn't I know that I should've only tied one shoe? The screaming and crying went on for a good 10 minutes until I offered her a bite of my LIFE. Cereal. But it is ironic isn't it? That she just wanted a bite of my LIFE!

Thankfully though, she is incredibly funny.


She loves to dance, she prefers Dance or Techno. The Hell?

She tells me to stop singing all the time. But also asks me to "sing Nacho", her favorite song from Nacho Libre.

I try not to gush, but The Girl is beautiful. Sometimes I just stare at her in awe.



And the dimples? We have no idea where those came from, but when she smiles, I forget about all those other things.



Well, except the spitting.

Let's Move on Now!

Wow, glad that is over. Now I can move on to something a little less nauseating.

Mike and I finished our third week of running. All is still going well except for raging shin splints. I've been icing when we get home and on days when I feel like I might cry from the pain I take a few Ibuprofen. Is there anything else I should be doing?

I've been cooking up a storm lately too. Since it has been getting colder I've gone back to making a huge vat of soup each week. First I made a Roasted Butternut Squash soup that was so fantastic! Of course we gobbled it down in two days. I tried to make it again and it tasted like ass. That's what I get for not taking recipes seriously! The first time, the time it was phenomenal, I took photos while I made it.



On a baking sheet I cut up a huge carrot, a Butternut squash, an onion and an apple. I drizzled them all with olive oil, salt and pepper and a tiny bit of nutmeg and baked at 425 for around 45 minutes. Really I am not even sure about the time I just kept checking with a fork to see if it was mushie. Because mushie means done for this stuff.

When I got to that stage, I threw everything into a blender and added chicken stock. I then moved everything back into a big stock pot and noticed it still needed more stock so I added more with a few pats of butter. It was smooth and velvety and my kids couldn't get enough!



You really should try this stuff if you can handle squash at all. It warms your insides and screams fall!



How's that for a change of topic?

The Day I lost...let's hope this is the end!

My cell phone was ringing and it was her. I couldn't answer. I was still furious and had nothing to say to someone who had just accused me of lying. I waited a few seconds and there was a message.

My God do I wish I was more technically saavy because I still have the message and wouldn't it be fun to hear it?

TQ: Ann, I talked to Drake and he said he did go inside your house...

Well, no shit Sherlock.

...I don't know why he would make such a stupid, stupid choice?

um, because he is a 4 year old boy and 4 year old boys aren't always known for making superior choices!

...but you coming over hear to scream and swear at me was not the right way to handle it either! !!SLAM!!

What!? She still doesn't get it! So I called her right back. (take the high road Ann, you already went Ape on her.)

GG: Hi, Whoreen? (whoops) you are right. I should've never yelled and sworn, that really isn't my style. BUT, if you remember, I came over to tell you something that I thought you, as a mother, should know that your son did. I didn't ever plan on getting so angry but you implying that what I said was untrue was very insulting. But you are right, I didn't handle it the way I would've liked to.

TQ: I was just so shocked that Drake would just go into your house...

So really? Let's be honest. I over-reacted. I had taken too many insulting jabs over the past several months and boiled over. It wasn't pretty, but really it was for the best. Our interaction now is kept to bare minimum.

I have no respect for her lifestyle. In fact, I find it disgusting. She gives us real stay at home moms a bad name. This weekend when her son was with his dad, TQ had her "flavor of the week" over for 2 nights, he left for a couple of hours and another guy came over and took her out to dinner. The next morning I woke op early with my kids and "The Flavor" was back and had spent the night.

I have done enough. I hate the nasty person she brings out of me. Karma keeps me sane, she'll get hers at some point...

Wow! and also Sorry!

I know. I also think it is totally tacky when bloggers apologize for not blogging but I know that there are a handful of you that really want to hear the end of the Neighb-whore Story. I promise I will finish.

I thought that once Mason started school I'd have some extra time, hahahahahah. Now I just run, all over town, constantly. Then I run home to get Harper down for a nap, then the sitter comes over and I run back to pick up Mason. It is Chaos I tell you! Total Chaos.

Speaking of running all over. Pedro and I started running! We run three days a week, with the kids in a jogging stroller. We are in our second week and neither of us is showing any signs of premature petering out! We are going to run a 5K on Thanksgiving, which means Thanksgiving this year we'll finally be doing something that we want to do, together!

Now here, take a look! Because I've been totally absent I leave you with the most unflattering picture ever!




Your welcome.

Sweet like sugar.

Harper had her second birthday on Sunday!
Oh wow is this little girl strong willed, but we're keeping her.
We love her like crazy!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

The day I lost my shit- Part 2

I should first warn you...I really should've written a G version and an R version. The real life version probably registered at a triple R. There was no verbal censor. So make a mental note, Whenever you read the word effing, fricking,freaking, f*cking or anything of the sort, feel free to insert the actual word of FUCKING that flowed from my mouth as freely as a tree swaying in the breeze. You've been warned. Virgin ears and eyes proceed with caution...

I had calmed down and decided to walk over to let TQ know what had just happened.

knock, knock, knock "TQ, I just wanted to let you know what just happened. I was upstairs putting Harper down for a nap when Drake came upstairs, knocked and came into her bedroom..."

TQ: "No he didn't, I was sitting out back, watching them the whole time!"

I think my head spun around 3 or 4 times and right then steam shop out of my ears.

GG: "Are you effing kidding me? Are you telling me I am making this whole freaking thing up?"

TQ: "First of all don't swear at me."

GG: "How can I not swear. You are calling me a fricking liar! Don't you think I have better things to do with myself than make up a freaking story about your son coming into my house and waking my daughter up?"

Her request? DENIED.

TQ: "I am telling you that I was back there watching him...I am in disbelief."

GG: "Obviously you weren't because your son came into my damn house and clearly you didn't know...
Why do you need to argue everything TQ. It's what you do, you argue. My God, is that annoying"

TQ: "Look at you you're hysterical right now...I am in disbelief."

GG: "Well believe it! NEWSFLASH TQ! Your son does do things wrong just like every other kid I have ever met. I just thought I should let you know but clearly you don't believe me. "

TQ: "Drake, Drake! Drake get in here now! "


And I stormed off.


What I really wanted to say at this point was, 'really? you've been out watching them the entire time? Because I am standing in your doorway now and um, where is your son...you stupid beotch!'

I was on fire! I went over to let her know about something her son had done that I thought she might want to talk to him about. It was something that I would absolutely want to know about if my son did. But she didn't believe me. I am many things but one thing that I am not is a liar.

I came in my house and Mike came in to get the story since all he could see from on top of the roof was my arms flailing. As I told him what had happened I began to feel sorry. I was not at all sorry for what I said, but for the way I acted. I acted like she does.

Just then, the phone rang. It was her...

The day I lost my shit.

Who-ee! Wy life has been one big ball of chaos lately. I have to admit, cable got re-hooked up last Tuesday but I've been up to my eyeballs trying to catch-up. Ha ha ha hahahaah, I know shouldn't I know by now that really there is no such thing as "catching-up". Moron.

But I need to tell you what I know you've been waiting for. I went off you guys. I totally lost is on her. Deep down I think I was just waiting for it to happen and oo-boy, did it ever. If you need to catch up on the past, you can start here and then go here.


Mike had been putting a new roof on our house which is a loud, messy, totally huge home improvement. It just really sucks. My job was keeping the kids out of his way. I think we were either on day 2 or 3 of the process. Mason does great playing by himself with the neighbors so he was easy. Harper was becoming more irritated and grouchy by the day. She was needing a nap, in her own bed in the worst way and I decided despite the banging I would try. Mason was in our backyard playing with my cousins son and Drake, The Queens son.

I took Harper upstairs to her bedroom and set up three fans in and also outside of her bedroom door for white noise. It took a while but after about 15 minutes of nursing her, my little girl drifted off to sleep. No more than 2 minutes later there was a knock on Harpers bedroom door, and the door opened...

"Ah Ann. I need some water."
"Ah Drake, why are you in my house? You need to go home and ask your mom for water. I am putting Harper to bed."

Now Harper is awake. Freaking awesome.

I told Drake he needed to go home, and that he really should never come in my (muchless upstairs and in the bedrooms) house without being asked to come in.

I was pissed. I got Harper back to sleep after another 10 minutes and calmed myself down. I considered that it was something Mason could have but I would absolutely want to know about it. I knew I needed to tell TQ but I had no idea her reaction would be so rediculous.

(so much more to come, Tuesday.)

Amish Jealousy-Because I am sure they have more technology than me.

Dude. Right now I am sitting in a Hotel parking lot stealing WI-Fi. I'm totally classy like that. I am not sure when I'll be back but I've got so much to tell you!

For example.

Mason's first day of school.

The day I went ape-shit on my lovely neighbor! Oh yes I did.


Stay tuned! I promise this isn't the last of me...

Heartbreak.

Last night was Mason's Montessori open house. I was certain that it would also change is feelings about starting school.

For the past 2 months the talk of starting school has changed from excitedly talking about it, to becoming a reality. A reality that Mason wants no part of. Mike and I have been giving our best sales pitches for the majority of summer to no avail. He just wants to "stay at home like his neighbor girlfriend a few houses up the street. Her mom stays home and teaches her at home, so why can't I." If it were that simple, I'd home school in a second. The problem is I am not sure if that's the right choice either? If only I knew what the right choice was...

At the open house, Mason quickly started exploring all the little cubbies filled with different learning areas. I watched him in awe. I don't think it'll ever get old or cliche to me that "Oh my God! I made that little person and just look at him!" Mike started to say something to me and I had to just tell him to stop. I had to concentrate on not crying I couldn't talk or listen or anything. I just didn't want to cry in front of everyone. He tried to touch my back in an "it's okay" kind of way. I quickly moved out of the way because "seriously, don't." Thankfully he knew I wasn't being cold or mean, I was doing what I had to do to be strong and not let Mason see me cry.

We left after the informational speech and Mason told us again that he didn't want to go back. Again, we told him about all the things he's going to get to do this year and all the new friends he'll meet. I don't think he is buying it.

Tuesday is the day. The day I drop my first baby off at school. From now until then I am trying to figure out how to be strong for him. How I am going to resist scooping him up and bringing him home with me when he tells me for the 80th time that he just wants to stay with me. Right now, I can't even think about it without crying.

Love Thy Neighbor pt. 2 (but really 436)

Remember back in April when I wrote about my lovely neighbor? You know, the one you all agreed I should drop kick with a pointy boot? Well I thought you may be wanting an update, yes?

Hahahahahahha.

She is such a bitch.

Hahahahahah. (All while smiling.)

How was that?

For the most part I've managed to keep my distance as much as a person can keep from a next door neighbor. I don't invite her over. I don't do anything with her. All conversations are kept relatively generic. Yesterday, for some stupid reason I was feeling like I wanted to go out of my way to be nice to her. Why? WHY?

Mike got home from work and we were grilling our dinner on the deck. I went up to him and said, "Should we be super nice and offer Her a glass of wine since she is sitting in her backyard?"

Mike must have known it was a stupid suggestion because he replied, "Why?"

I told him I was feeling like I wanted to do something nice for her. Just because.

We'll call her The Queen (TQ).

Me: The Queen! Would you like a glass of wine? We are opening a bottle.

TQ: Oh! What kind is it?

Me: It is red.

TQ: **crickets**

Me: Menage 'a Trois.

TQ: Um, I'll pass. Thanks.

First of all she knew I was talking about the wine and not inviting her over for a threesome. She has had the wine before, it just isn't good enough for her snobbish pallet.

I know I am a self-declared coffee snob but if someone offered me a cup of coffee just to be nice you can bet that, I wouldn't ask them what brand it was. I would accept and I would drink it even if it was Folgers! I may not enjoy it fully, but I would enjoy it because it was kind for that person to go out of their way to offer me a cup of coffee. Period.

So I guess I should be glad I didn't offer her the box of white wine that I have in the fridge. Or maybe I should! I should tell her that it is some vintage $100 a bottle stuff and see what her distinguished pallet tells her about it! Oooo, that would be so fun! Phony Snob!

Should I do it?

Beat this one. . .I dare you!

How do you make a crappy day turn shitty? Let me tell you.

I put the kids down at nearly the same time everyday. Some times Mason sleeps these days, sometimes he doesn't. He still must have some sort of quiet time in his room. I tucked Mason in his bed and went on to Harper's room where everyday we sit in the same rocking chair, she nurses and then off she drifts to sleep and into her crib she goes. I have to say, I 've been really lucky with how easy she has been to get to sleep. Most days she asks to go up to bed, I know, super lucky. Mason was never like that.

Well today, it started out totally normal. I tucked Mason in, went to Harper's room, she passed out within 5 minutes and I snuck out. As I was closing the door, I saw Mason in the playroom with the TV on. . .Totally not allowed during quiet time. I told him he needed to go to his room and if he chose not to he'd stay inside for the rest of the day while his friends played outside. Mason through a huge fit complete with screaming that of course prompted Harper's screaming. Awesome!

Mason went back to his room and quieted down within 5 minutes, fast asleep. Harper was so hysterical that I went back in and rubbed her back until she calmed down. I snuck out again. I came down stairs and heard her talking and babbling and yelling. I went back up. "Harper, lay DOWN!" She lays down and I walk out. I get back down stairs and hear all the same stuff again. This time complete with "yay DOWN!" I go back up. Wash, Rinse, Repeat until 4 pm. Mason is now outside playing with neighbors. I decided it would be her first time going without any sort of nap.

I run upstairs and grab her from her crib at the same time my nose is assaulted! Bam! Eau de Poop! I notice her bottom half totally undressed and there is shit everywhere. You might be asking, Really? Everywhere? My friends, it was between her freaking toes. The only place it wasn't was on her hands! Way to make Mama proud Harper. Keep those hands disinfected at all times!

So now along with a nearly 2 year old who in crabby tired and covered in poo, I now had to start turbo cleaning caca from every item and linen near Harper's crib. I wish I could have found some humor at the time, but I am not that calm of a person. I was totally grossed out. I did have a glimmer of relief when I realized that this is the first time I've ever had this happen in my nearly 5 years of parenting. Maybe it gets easier and less gross the second time it happens? I'm hoping I never find out. I've paid my dues.

I'm hoping for a less shitty day tomorrow.

You ought to know...

I just heard from a high school friend who I actually sang with ( don't get any ideas, she had crazy talent)and has started to record some songs. She is blowing me away! She always had a beautiful voice but now, Wow!

Now go listen to her, her name is Holly.

Drumroll Please...

My poor ex-boyfriend! I hope he doesn't read this! I am not sure where I pulled that story out of but last I heard, he was happily married to a girl.

The truth about my foot is that it is still super messed up from a fall I took down a set of stairs. At first it hurt so bad I couldn't even tell where I hurt. I told Pedro it was my ankle but it is in fact my foot, right about in the middle on the inside by my arch. I really am starting to think I broke something in there because it just isn't healing! I have the strangest pressure feeling when I walk down any stairs.

The little black pug is something I've always wanted and mark my words, if we do happen to get a second dog someday, her name will be Ebi!

So that leaves my nose. I've wanted to have it done for years! If you read me way back when I started blogging, I mentioned it then.

After years of finding excuses not to get it done, I decided I was just going to do it. I made the appointment, picked up my friend and went to the place of *pokes and pricks and got it done. I was scared to death and it was nothing. My eyes didn't even water like I was told they would. It was fast and easy, but the restraint of keeping my fingers out has been constant. I guess I didn't realize I was a habitual nose picker!



*Wow I was clever for a second. For the record, If I ever open a piercing studio I will most definitely call it Pokes and Pricks. You heard here first, folks!

Walk in my shoes for a day.

Guess what I did last weekend? Go on, guess...

OK, I'll give you some ideas and you tell me what you think happened.

Did I :

1) Find out my foot that I hurt from falling down the stairs last week is actually broken and had a cast put on.

2) Pick up a close friend and drive to a piercing studio where I had my nose pierced.

3) Get a new little 8 week-old, black girl pug and named her Ebi (pronounced eh-bee).

4) Find out that my high school (and college too) boyfriend of nearly 5 years is gay and just invited me to their civil ceremony in another state.

Go on guess, how well do you know me? Need a refresher course? Check here!

Mean People Suck.

Mason starts school in September. We enrolled him in a 5 day per week 2.5 hours a day program. I wish I felt better about the decision we've made.

Understand that I am not naive. I am very aware that I can't keep my first born baby at home with me forever. I am also aware how important it is that he play and learn from other children. What scares the hell out of me is the impression that other kids could have on Mason.

We are out and about everyday in the summer and are around tons of kids. What I've noticed is how nasty and disrespectful kids are now. They say awful things to one another and can be downright mean! Again, I know that kids will be kids and that I won't be able to protect him forever from hurtful things but also that it is my job to raise this little person to be the best person he can be. At this stage in life, he copies, he mimics and wants to do what other people do whether it is being the sweetest kid around or bullying. Let's be real here...no one wants to have a brat for a kid.

I have a nagging piece of my brain that wonders if I hold off just one more year, would it make a difference?

I talk to my family about this often and they (thankfully) understand completely. My mom has commented a few times about "how relieved she is that she is not raising kids these days; It's a different world now." And just so you know, my parents aren't all new-agey or peace-lovey. They are pretty by the book. So this time their agreement with me has made me think even deeper and more seriously and realize that this time I'm not overreacting.

After all the dramatics and talkie-talk, my point is simple. I've got a pretty cool little guy. I'd really like to keep him that way.

Getting a little rediculous now...

Wow, that was an extended break that I never saw coming...

I'm back now with a full functioning computer that will hopefully live up to all my hopes and dreams. I just need to get my groove back. What was it that I used to write about? Yeah right. A whole bunch of nothing, now I remember.

We've been having a ton of fun so far this summer. We've been going to the pool almost daily, I've been able to hang out with my "meant-to-be" friend. Last week she invited me and the fam to a party at her house. They are having a band in the back yard of their house. Goodtimes!

Harper has been a little Miss Chatty Cathy lately. I am astounded with the things she is capable of saying these days. This morning while Mason was in time-out she came up to Pedro and me and informed us that "Mason naunny!" Mason has been very difficult lately. Difficult and naughty! He still makes me laugh daily though. If I am not yelling, or putting the boy in time-out, I am laughing hysterically.

Tell me, could you keep your cool and respond appropriatly if your son informed you that "he wants to have the hugest peepee in the whole town" ?

I didn't think so. And neither did I! I just laughed, until I cried!