Monday, March 06, 2006

The 7-11 Baby.

After reading a few post this weekend, I am again faced with this strange feeling. When did raising babies become a convenient past-time? My husband and I have talked for hours about this topic and it is one messed up one at that.

If you think about it, almost everything you buy in Wal-mart type stores are gadgets to make child rearing easier and more convenient. Don't get me wrong, I am guilty too, I loved being able to free up my hands once in a while and use Mason's swing. But this time around, I am going to try to be even more conscious. What happens in poorer countries? I am not positive, but I can pretty much guess. They hold their babies all. the. time. The nurse their babies when they want to eat. And they probably don't let them cry it out, worrying that they'll wake up the other 6 kids that are asleep in the same room. So who is better off?

Thankfully my husband and I are on the exact same page when it comes to this topic. We both held/hold Mason a whole lot. We still run up to his room if he wakes up crying in the middle of the night. We believe that he is too young to be left behind for us to go on vacation without him. And speaking of that, our upcoming vacation may not be a peaceful as it may have been with him behind, but we both know that by the second day, we'd be miserable without him!

The crazy part, is that there are actually people that make us feel strange about not having left him overnight yet! What? He'll only be my baby for maybe another year, then he's never going to what to be with his parents anymore. He'll have places to go and people to see. My mother-in law has made the comment to me close to a dozen times,"They all leave you eventually, anyway." God, that comment hurts to hear! Yes it is true, painfully true, but I do not want to put less of myself into this job and think of it that way. For now, I want to hold, kiss, snuggle, hug and be with my little boy as much as I can. For soon, he'll be out with the neighbor kids playing tag and I'll have to bribe him for an hour of time and maybe if I'm lucky, a kiss goodnight.

16 comments:

Lotus said...

Oh, you dear woman. I have to agree with you wholeheartedly. Having a child is such a complex and life altering decision. I understand that many mothers have to work to support their families but it surprises me when women say that they'd rather work than raise their child. I had a friend who, when pregnant, was asked whether she was considering staying home with the baby. She said no. It would drive her crazy to stay home all day with a baby. If that's truly the case, what's the urge to have one?

You hardly hear anyone say "I want a dog but I don't want to see it too much." Most people who work long hours decide not to get a dog because it's cruel to leave it home all day but think nothing of dropping their kid off in institutionalzed daycare where 3 people are taking care of 12 kids. Now, call me crazy but I'm pretty sure none of those 3 people are going to love and care for my child better than me.

I also love when people say that daycare helps socialize their kids. But really, that can only happen with adequate adult interaction. How do you expect 3 y/olds who don't know how to play to teach your child sharing. Adults lead by example and through direct teaching.

You know, your title "The 7-11 Baby" isn't quite accurate. 7-11s are always open. Some moms would rather have bankers hours. Kudos to those of you who see raising your kids as your most important job and your paid job as a means to an end.

Christy J said...

All I have to say is that at least your husband is with you wholeheartedly. I can honestly say it bugs the ever living shit out me that my husband thinks his mom should just take my son. Then again, I'm sure it bugs her that I say no.

The weird thing for them is that they get their "other" grandkids all the time. Well, they have been getting them all weekend since they were pretty much born. But then again, they were never breastfed, go to daycare, and there parents would rather frolic around naked on the weekends than spend time with their children.
Bottom line, my kid. I will say where he goes, when, and who with. And I don't think it is bad to want him to spend time with me and not other people. I'm going to stop now before it gets ugly.

But as you said, I hear ya.

AnnieM said...

Thanks for the "holla!" I too understand that many women have to work to make ends meet. Ahem, single moms, kudos to you! What I am talking about are those parent who do everything possible to make bringing up a child easier! It isn't easy, and shouldn't be! Closing argument:"tough it out, do the work, and bring your child up the best possible way you can!"

Pedro said...

What a weird time to be raising children. It's so strange that folks in society look down at the parents that take the road less traveled, and go beyond what's simply convenient to them in raising their kids.

My older brother and his wife aren't judgemental of Annie and I, but certainly fall into that category. They seem preoccupied with earning a large income, acquiring things, and doing the things that they did prior to having kids...it's kind of strange to me.

I guess having kids means something different to everyone. I can't say that we do everything "right", but we're definitely doing what's right for us.

lizziep901 said...

Amen sister! A topic I can relate to......My ex-husband and I have joint custody of Haley. He has her one week....I have her the next, etc. A LOT of people are all "That must be nice....it gives you a break." HELL NO IT SUCKS AND I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! If I wanted a "break" I wouldn't have chosen to have a child. I don't want to be a part-time parent.....I want to be a full-time mommy. BUT! Our arrangement is yet another crappy part of divorce AND I have to be thankful that Chris IS a good father and WANTS to have something to do with his daughter. Anyways...I don't really know where I was going with my comment other than saying that you are TOTALLY right and I could not agree more.

Silly Hily said...

I really try not to judge other people b/c I HATE it when I feel people are judging me. I try to stick to the "everyone is different and does what is best for them" routine. However, when I hear of working parents that still send their children to daycare on their day OFF so they can go play golf or have time to themselves, I have a REALLY hard time not wondering why these people even have kids in the first place.

Christy J said...

Pedro, do you and Justin have the same brother?

Pedro said...

Geez, we might...

Ms. Mamma said...

Well said! I hate to admit it, but I'm a tyrant, a secretly judgemental whore when it comes to feeling sorry for yourself because you have kids and you'd rather shirk the responsibility. We've had this convo before and I think it still shocks us that people are so selfish and careless about their babes. I like what Napa G said abou the whole daycare thing, it makes me sick to hear that! I am lucky my mother takes care of Snowflake and I will be incredibly SAD when he goes off to Montessori this fall. It sucks! I don't believe in preschool for socialization, either. It's a lazy bullshit lie. Just call me BIGMOUTH, but it's a complete life altering moment when that baby comes into your life. If you're trying to go back to your life the way it was,it's gone, DUST. Who's the baby?

Shell said...

Wow you guys are great!! I have found my like-minded people. It maddens me the way innocent babes are left without a mommie to tend to them all because of selfishness and gaining more material things and selfish ambitions. I have tried to work out of the home just to please everyone else around me and it is soooo not worth it. My heart and mind knows no other way than to be with my precious children while they are still at the house. As with you, husband and I are on the same page when it comes to this topic also.

Suzanne said...

I totally agree with you. You have such a great way of relaying what is on your mind. Great Post!!

Melinda said...

I agree with you sooooo much. Only my tot has spent the night out but only with family and it always had to do with a late wedding or they asked for our kids. It's never easy. I always say I NEED A MENTAL BREAK FROM KIDS..LIKE ADULT CONVERSATION W/O someome yelling MOMMY, but then an hour into my break i am missing them like crazy and ready for the break to be over. As far as daycare socializing their kids better..Total bull shit most of the kids my son has played with are daycare kids and they do not share or play any better than him at all. The whole reason we are debating a third child is b/c we arn't sure how many more years we can go without me wroking and still be able to send our 11 year old to college in 7 years from now. So me and the hubs have decided if i can't stay home till the next child is in atleast kindergarten the we will not have a 3rd child but we shall see what happend in the next year.

Pedro said...

Funny, I like that reference to adult interaction and we can certainly relate. We're leaving for vacation next week and although the thought of being alone with Ann on the beach is nice, in reality I know that I would spend all of the vacation missing my son is he wasn't coming along.

If he wasn't coming I would be talking about how much he would enjoy this or that. I figure that as much as I say that I'm bringing him along for his benefit it's just as much for me. I get such a rise out of watching my son experience new things!

Isabel said...

There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your child. You have to do what's best for you and your family!!

BlueGoddess said...

Oh my god, this is so the kind of blog that I needed to find. I am a stay at home mom 5 days a week and I have to work the weekends, but our son stays at home with my husband then. He is always with one of us. He is 2 1/2 and we use the family bed so he still hasn't stayed a night away from us either. But I do have to admit that it is lonely, not having other mothers around with kids his age to play with or to socialize with. We only have one car, so getting around is a bit tough for us at times. But this is still the best job in the world and I would never want to trade it.
BlueGoddess

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