You missed me?

Hi. Remember me? I used to have this thing called a little "blog" if you will. Then I was annoyed that I couldn't keep up with other blogs I really like to read because I agreed to post everyday. Stupid. On top of that I have two cute, high maintainance kids. One that will not be put down at. all. And insists that she only be held by Pedro or myself, no one else or she's a screaming mess. The other one (sigh) just wears me out.

I was talking to my friend yesterday sbout how I could seriously nag at Mason all day long. But I won't. I will not look back at the years I spent at home with my kids and only remember myself in the screaming variety. I refuse. So, instead sometimes it causes me a whole lot more work. Today for example Mason played outside all morning. He stayed within feet of the house so I didn't have to keep yelling, I just let him play. He played in the wet empty garden shoveling dirt, "looking for wormies". He finally came in the house right before lunch. Minutes later Pedro came home for lunch and asked what happened to the garage. I looked out and put my hand over my mouth. Mud and dirt covered the garage floor. Mason had shoveled dirt from the garden into his big dump truck and unload the truck loads on the garage floor. Quite the imagination he has, no? It took only a couple of minutes to sweep all the dirt into a big pile and take shovel loads back to the garden.

Speaking of the garden, Mason has been afraid of the rain lately. No, not thunder, rain. It freaks him out when he is trying to sleep and it hits his window. We've now spent so much time talking to him about how "good" rain is and how it makes the grass turn green and the plants and flowers grow. A couple of days ago, we were under a thunderstorm watch so we started to prepare Mason.

"Mason, we are gong to have more rain tonight, but rain is good right?"

"I like rain. It makes the grass grow and the plants wake up fron their dirt nap."

Indeed it does. Why can't we all talk like that? So simple, so true. I love that kid.

Day 21: Mission Failed

I am out of motivation, out of ideas. Sorry. I'll write again when I have something of substance. Peace Out.

xoxo,

Quitter

Day 20: Double the pleasure,double the fun!

Today I took both kids to the Dr. for check-ups. I knew it was going to be hard and it was. Mason has been on tape recorder mode for a few weeks so he replays everything said during a conversation just seconds after it is said. It is so hard to talk to a Dr and hold your thoughts when you hear eveything echo, echo. Harper got 3 shots, on top of the sniffles she woke up with this morning. Good times!

So basically I got nothing, unless of course you'd like to look at my flickr account that I've been organizing. I spent an hour on it this morning and made new sets. Check it out and let me know what you think! Since I am on the Mac, I can't do a link so if you click on the post title it will take you there. Enjoy!

Also, it's day 20. I have blogged everyday for 20 days. Woot! Any suggestions for some steamy new posts?

Day 19: The Story of Chelle.

I am not sure when I met Chelle; I think it was sometime in gradeschool. Chelle and I were never best friends but always friends through all the phases a pre-teen and teenage girl goes through. She went through a lot of them. I think some of why Chelle and I were always friends was because people always said we looked alike. Both blonde, blue eyed, thicker build.

Chelle's Mom was a successful hair salon owner and her dad a detective for the local police department. Some thought that Chelle rebelled because of her fathers postion. I don't know? I do know that her parents were incredibly supportive and loving. You couldn't go to the salon her mom owned without hearing her gush all about her daughter the way anyone would love to hear themselves being spoke of. The way they acted at home was very similar, at least when I was over. They did everything for Chelle and her brother. Often Chelle and I would have to pose for a picture since we "looked like sisters". My senior year of high school I was on homecoming court. Chelle's Dad drove me in the parade in his yellow convertable sports car. I still wonder if he picked out that car or Chelle did since it was her favorite color.

After high school, I went on to college. I heard that Chelle moved in with a serious boyfriend. One weekend I was at my parents house and the phone rang, it was my parent's gossipy cleaning lady.

"Annie?"

"Yes?"

"You were friends with Chelle ****, right?"

"Yes."

"Did you hear she killed herself?"

"What!?"

At that point I think I stopped listening. The way she was the one to call and give me the news pissed me off. The way she only knew parts of the story but still was eager to pass the news along all angered me.

She was in fact dead. She dove off a bridge onto an underpass. She died instantly. I am not sure what went so wrong and I'm not sure anyone ever will but I'm certain that depression got the best of her.

Her funeral was still one of the most horrifying events I've ever been to. The caskat was open and Chelle was anything but herself. I had my mom walk up with me. I was too scared to go alone. Seeing her family was the most eerie. Immediatly her Dad hugged me with this strange force. I have a feeling he was not hugging me, but the person I resembled, his daughter. It was a hug I'll never forget. Collages were there representing Chelle. On the main collage, a picture or her and I.

I think about Chelle often. There are so many things that remind me of her. I talk to her mom whenever I get my haircut but I never know what to say. I brought pictures in last week to show my stylist. They were pictures of my babies. Chelle's mom wanted to see them, but they hurt her very bad. Her eyes welled up and she left for the day.

Now more than ever I can understand the impact that losing a child must have. I understand it but pray that I never ever have to experince it. Watching a mother grieve after 9 years have past showed me clearly how devistating it is.

Usually I think about Chelle, but lately I've been thinking about her Mom. I know she'll never be the same, but I wonder if she'll ever be at peace?

Rest in peace Chelle.

Live in peace Genie.

Day 18: What a picture is worth.

If I have only one memory of my years staying home with my babies, I hope it looks a lot like this.



Thanks Ms. Mamma for capturing a "moment".

Day 17: Water Park Pictures

"Now with more nipples!"

See the pink princess lil swimmers sticking out? Some heartless Mom makes her little boy wear the pink ones (she accidentally bought) because she's too cheap to throw them away and go get the boy ones.

Day 16: Free for All.

First let me tell you what I hate about this little agreement I made to post every. single. day. I am so far behind on reading all the blogs I usually read. Every little snip-it of time I get to be on the computer is spent on my own blog. I barely even get to comment back to the comments made on my blog. So I'll do it now...thank you all. You are all great little ego boosters I wish I could shrink down and carry around in my purse.

This week Pedro has been home. His Last day at his old job was last Friday and his new one starts on Monday. It's nice to have him around, but My God can he trash the house... As bad as the kids. We planned one fun thing to do while he was home. Yesterday we went to an indoor water park. Mason couldn't stop squeeling and Harper was the most chill I've ever seen. We think it was from all the water noise that acted like white noise. They also had johnny jump-ups in the water for babies Harpers age. The best part about it was that is was just 10 miles from our house, so it wasn't a huge commitment. We had a blast.

Day 15: The promise

before:


after:






I am not sure this shows how drastic the cut was, but I needed something new and fresh. It feels so good and bouncy, love it! Also I went back to WW after missing 3 weeks. I totally fell off the wagon so I was scared to go back. This morning I walked in ready to hear I had gained back all 12 lbs...I lost 4 so I am down 16. Woo Hoo! Go Me! One step closer to glorified Milf.

Day 14: Breaking News

I got a haircut. A huge haircut. So huge you could make a wig out of the hair that was cut off. The drastic cut wasn't planned so I didn't take a before picture, but I am sure I can find one from last week. Give me a few hours to come up with before and after. I think I love it...

Day 13: Food

Ms. Mamma tagged me for this Meme a few days ago. Thank God because I have to write a blog a day and I am running out of things to blab about. So now you get to hear all about my foodisms. Enjoy!

1. What's your #1 comfort food? Soup, I'll eat almost any soup. I love how it makes me feel all warm inside.

2. If you were on a deserted island, what one food would you want to have with you? Granola.

3. What is/are your signature dishes? (What dishes are you 'known' for?) Chicken Picatta, bruschetta (for the record it is pronounced bruce-ket-ah, everyone I know pronounces it wrong, like bru-shetta. I did too until my cousin Paul, who speaks a gazillion languages corrected me!)

4. It's Friday night, you don't know what to cook. You opt for...fish and chips. In Wisconsin we call it Fish fry.

5. What's your biggest weakness when it comes to food? I've developed a awful sweet tooth, mine is closer to a sugar tooth.

6. What food can you absolutely not eat? Innards. One time though, I was invited to a traditional Hmong celebration and ate innards to be polite. It was fine, but now when I think of it I nearly gag.

7. You need a drink. Margarita baby! Or a glass of wine. Or a Corona served like a margarita, with salt and lime.

8. What's the most decadent dish you've had? The most expensive meal ever was at Tantra in South Beach .

9. What's your favorite type of food? Japanese, sushi.

10. Favorite dish? Chicken burrito, beans and rice. Guacamole of course.

11. If your partner could take you to any restaurant you wanted, which one would it be? Tantra

12. Are you a soup or salad person? With a big meal, salad. For a small meal, both.

13. Buffet, take-out or sit-down restaurant? Sit down

14. What's the most impressive dinner you've ever made? Surf and turf, sauteed green beans and roasted corn and garlic couscous.

15. Do you consider yourself a good cook? I think I'm pretty good.

16. Do you know what vichyssoise is? No, but I'll look it up.

17. Who's your favorite TV cook? Nigella Lawson she makes cooking all seductive.

18. Can you name at least three TV cooking personalities? Giada De Laurentiis, Barefoot Contessa, Rachael Ray ( she makes me want to poke my eyeballs out with heated skewers but I still watch her!)

19. Homemade or homemade from a box? Homemade

20. Name 3 or more other foodies you are going to tag. Anyone up for it? Let me know, I love to know what people eat!

Day 12: Reality

Yesterday afternoon we attended an Open House for a preschool for Mason. We were all excited, Mason talked all morning about going to "his school". He was beyond excited. The morning came and went and we headed to the school. We pulled up and all got out of the car. I hadn't thought about the way it would make me feel. I had to keep swallowing. Swallowing back tears I had know idea would be present. It hurt. I finally looked at Mike and all I could say was, "this is making my heart hurt". It was.

We went inside and Mason didn't miss a beat. When the teacher asked him his name he answered her with both first and last name just like I had imagined a pre-schooler would. He met a little girl named Maurina that had gone to the school for 2 years. She took him under her wing and they played in each room we toured. He was a perfect gentleman. I was so proud of the way he acted, and proud that he was mine. He was sad when it was time to go. He cried that he wanted to go back to school.

I was crying inside that my baby boy was old enough to go to school. How could I ever complain about the work it is to stay at home. I have watched my boy grow from a tiny little bundle to handsome little boy. I was there for it all and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Day 11: Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Do you know hoe to make a perfectly good day turn perfectly bad? Let me tell you. I know the answer!

Yesterday I was getting ready for the day. I was showered, my clothes were on and even a little make-up too. I just had to blow out my hair. But first, mousse! I put two pumps of my new mousse I had bought the night before into my hand and worked it through my hair. "Wow, this stuff is really moisturizing." I thought to myself. I turned to the back of the can that clearly read: work through hair, leave for 1-3 minutes and rinse. Shit!

So my new Volumizing Aero Conditioner not a mousse at all, but more of a full blown conditioner.

Day 10: Funny how things work out.

Yesterday I talked to my Mom about how disappointing it is that even though I have my family near, rarely can I rely on any sort of help. Today my Dad came over, picked up Mason and took him to run errands and to lunch. Mason had a great time. Unfortunately the few times my parents can help out, it is my Dad. My Mom is always busy doing something. Mason had a great time none the less. It is nice that Mason has such a neat relationship with my Dad.

Day 9: I smell a Saab Snob.

Hi! Um, about yesterday's post and the day before, sorry. I am totally done with the Debbie Downer stuff(until next week). I promise.

Moving On.

Do you remeber last year, right around this time? Pedro and I were at odds about impulsivity and cars and all that other bullshit? Ha ha ha, funny for me for thinking it was over. We have a Saab, right? Yes, we do and apparently one just wasn't enough because we have two now (cue balloons and party horns)!! Pedro just loves him some cars. Now we have one midnight blue with tan interior and one black with black interior. How cute, his and her Saabs. Blech, never!

He is kind of funny that guy. One-half Marketing exececutive and another half grease monkey. That's my boy! So go on take his side, If you look at the comments you guys all sort of took his sid. Bitches. And why do I keep him around? Oh yeah, he's pretty cute.

Day 8: Poor Me!

It is going to be one of "those" so I 'll excuse you if you'd like to go elsewhere, really. Yesterday I took my phone off the hook, until this morning. I couldn't bare to hear anyone elses "poor me". I have enough of my own crap to deal with. I have been trying for two days now to get Harper to sleep in her crib, without CIO. I need my sanity back, my body and a little time of her not being attached to me. I know, horrible me.

We go up to her room nurse until she is calm and eyes are closed and BOOM, CRASH, lights turn on and her door whips open along with her eyes. It's Mason ready to party! He has done this both times I 've tried. I've turned on a movie for him, gotten him a snack and explained what I was going to do. What more can I do.

Tonight Pedro has a going away party at his work. It is at a local restaurant but I can't go. I am not going to go and spend my time chasing Mason around and I don't expect Pedro to do it at his party. My parents have other plans. Whatever. I just can't depend on family to help me out. I can count on one maybe two hands how many times they've babysat. The part that makes me so mad is that I rarely ask them, very rarely. What I need to do is find a reliable teenager or college student to always ask first. That way I won't be disappointed.

I know, right? Boo-fricken-hoo.

Day 7: More Controversial Crap.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the very fine line that lies between opinionated and jugdemental. That line is crucial because it can be painful to be in the presence of a judgemental person. And, you know what they say...Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one. Classy, I know. So lets get into it, shall we?

Having two kids has re-enforced my mantra, "you do what works for you".
What works for me? Sometimes I feel like nothing is working for me, but here's what we do. I breastfeed exclusively. I wear slings but also depend heavily on the swing and the Jumperoo. We co-sleep, but not because I like it or believe in it. I do it for my own selfish reasons, I. Need. Sleep. and I am too lazy to wake up any more than I already am. Actually I really don't like it. Every morning I wake up with a stiff neck and a sore back. I can't tell you how much I 'd give to sleep in my own bed all sprawled and free. In due time. We don't "cry it out". I tried it once and it was the most traumatic thing I've ever done. To hear my baby's cry turn from pissed to terrified was the most horrible thing for me to hear. I vowed to never do it again. It just didn't work for us and maybe I didn't really want it to. So do I do "attatchement parenting"? Nope, I hate to label and I don't meet all the criteria. I do what feels right and natural and frankly, sometimes I do what gets me through the day.

I have this friend who has a baby the same age as Harper. They were struggling big time as a family from the lack of sleep. Their marriage was getting shakier by the day. They needed to try something different and decided to try CIO. I agreed. When you get to the point of your marriage suffering, it's time to make a change. I was totally supportive of the choice they had made. So yesterday we were talking about the method I was totally clueless about. They have been reading books to make sure they are doing it the right way if they are going to do it. We got to talking about what to do if your baby throws up from being so distraught. The books says to change the babies clothes and bedding and quickly put them back into the crib without comforting them. This is so wrong to me! I am 29 and still prefer to be comforted and taken care of if and when I puke. Puking is scary. To me that implied that if you comforted your baby after puking, that would be their crutch. If I puke, I get picked up. What a sad thing to think a baby would force itself to puke just to get picked up. Isn't that our job are parents to comfort our kids when they need it? How sad. So when I was talking to my freind yesterday I told her I had a huge problem with that. And at that point I became opinionated bordering on judgemental. I just hope that I didn't cross the line that is our friendship.

Day 6: Better Late than Never.

You all thought I wasn't going to post today didn't you? Oh no, I'm not going out like that on day 6!! I have a number of things to tell you about, just not the time to write them down.

So for let me tell you this...Harper learned to scream today. For fun. Not so fun except she is all smiley and giddy when she does it. It is not just vocalizing, it's more like horror movie screaming. So fun now what my ears are ringing and I keep thinking its the phone.

I got to do something I love to do today.

I got three email replies from 3 different internet friends that were sent up to 6 months ago. So I am doing a public apology to anyone else that got a repeat email from me...I can't figure it out.

Good stuff tomorrow!

Day 5: Bump!

I really didn't plan on having another picture day, but I had to jump on the belly tag.


I really love to look back at this one. I feel like now with two kids, Pedro and I rarely get to be together so it is nice to have a picture of us, just us.


Pretty sunshine on a big, ripe belly.

Day 4: Coin Toss

Heads







Or







Tails?

Day 3: Hunk-a-hunk-a blowin' snow...

How much do you wish you lived in Wisconsin?

Day 2: My life as a SAHM

A turbulent portion of my life. For Ashley and Hilarazzi. Ashley wanted to hear about different times in my life and Hilary wanted to know about becoming a SAHM. The two go hand and hand and it was probably one of the scariest times in my life.

About five years ago, Pedro and I were living in Florida. I took a little test one morning the confirmed I was indeed expecting a baby. We took our time but eventually decided that Ft. Lauderdale was not the place we wanted to start a family. Pedro began searching for jobs back in Wisconsin and before long found a job that would work. It would allow me to stay home like I had always wanted but things would still be tight. After two interviews and details of the position, Pedro was informed that he'd be getting the written offer by the end of the week.

We began covering all the bases to move back. Pedro put in his notice at his job. We hired a moving company. We gave our notice at our apartment. It was all done and we were ahead of the game. Later that week the letter came only it was a tad different than we'd expected. It said something to the effect that "at this time we cannot offer you a position." Oh. My. God.

Fast forward about a month we were back in Wisconsin, with nothing. I was six months pregnant. We had no jobs, no place to live, (unless we wanted to move in with our parents, so lets just say NO place to live) no insurance, and just a little money in the bank. It was the most stressful time I can remember. We were living out of savings and on credit cards, in a college apartment even though we weren't college students. Mike looked for jobs everywhere and was almost willing to take a job that was just above minimum wage, but he stuck it out a little longer.

Mid-December, six weeks earlier than planned, my water broke. Here was Mason! He was in the intensive care unit for 2 weeks before we could bring him home. Pedro received a job offer while we were staying in the Ronald McDonald House. It was a really decent offer. It had been 4 months without any sort of income and we were used to living on almost nothing.

In hindsight we always say that it worked out best that way. We were so poor that it wasn't a shock for us to whittle down to one income. Now close to five years later things have changed a bunch. We own our home. We have 2 kids and Pedro just was offered a job as the Director of Marketing at a printing company. We have a lot to be thankful for. I often think that Mason came early due to the stress we were under. I am not a religious person but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I still don't have a clear reason why all that happened, but I do know that we learned a bunch about ourselves and each other during that time. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and we are pretty strong these days.

Day 1: Did you know...

*I actually do work outside the house too. I teach Yoga once a week.

*I have a Bachelors Degree in Health Promotion and Wellness.

*Before I was a stay at home mom, I worked for the State of Wisconsin as an educator for first time parents. I taught about breastfeeding (ironic!), infant massage, and nutrition.

*I can use chopsticks like a pro because...
When I graduated from college I wasn't ready to get a "real job" so a found yet another waitressing job at an authentic Japanese restaraunt. At the end of the night, we would eat a sit-down japanese meal all together at a properly set table, set with only chopsticks. I was not going to be the only one to excuse myself to get a fork so I learned really fast (under pressure more like it) how to eat everything, even rice, with chopsticks. Fascinating, I know!

*My favorite sushi is white tuna.

*My favorite drink is a Margarita.

*I wear a wife beater almost every single day under whatever I am wearing. I am not sure why.

*My hair is naturally light blonde and my eyebrows are almost freakishly dark. I should probably have them lightened but I am scared I'd look totally different.

*After I've been out of my house for any reason, the first thing I do after walking in the door is wash my hands. (So I don't even have to mention about being a germiphobe, right? You all are well aware already.)

*When I go to bed at night, I always start thinking about my morning cup of coffee. I love it that much.

Did you learn anything new? Want to know more useless tidbits? Just ask.